So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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