Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
