So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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