the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
