I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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