i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
