i jhust puked up my retainher.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
