Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
