..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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