He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
