I CAN MOONWALK!
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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