I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
The Olympian is in my bed
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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