i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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