I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
