on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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