pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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