everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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