i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
