This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
