forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize