do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize