Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I forgot wine drunk hurts
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
