Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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