i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
