I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
