I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
