I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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