So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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