What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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