I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
