I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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