respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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