one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I will be naked everywhere
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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