Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
