I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
