First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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