allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
