you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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