I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You ruined the universe
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
