If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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