Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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