I just saw a hot homeless man
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
