This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I FOUND THE LEGS
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
