I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
