This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
