its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
smell my finger.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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