Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize