I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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