I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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