FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
