And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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