i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
