lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
