Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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