You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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