kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Randomize
