piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
