the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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