I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Randomize
