It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize