well I can't set my house on fire every night
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
