Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I puked a lego.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
did you just send me my own nude
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
