I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
