You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
