YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
