get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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