I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You made out with two different species that night
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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