Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize